Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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