This girl is more easily done than said...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
