And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
