I seem to have left my pride at pride
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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