I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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