At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
