I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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