Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize