I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize