The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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