God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
