I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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