Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
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when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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