I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Come share oat with me in your robe
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
