Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize