remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
