i barfeds in our rink
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
