so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
