her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize