3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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