I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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