I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize