I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
meet me or not, i'm out of control
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
