as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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