U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
