know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize