I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
