You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
