You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i believe in u and ur pee
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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