just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize