P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up under a house in Key West
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
