Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
