at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
