Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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