After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
