he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
