Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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