She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize