Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize