I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
