Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
