True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
