never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
