there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
