Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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