So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
