Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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