WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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