The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
