That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Please, let me fuck your mom
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I came so hard my ears popped.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
