i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize