Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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