the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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