I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My life is pants optional.
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