my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
