did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
