remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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