your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
