It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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