Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
