I am puke
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
