some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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