His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
